While you are rejoicing that special person you’ve finally found – the dream spouse to be might be thinking the same. But, but … then someone single passes that stray comment on how to handle the next logical step. You’re engaged, in love and you’re thinking of the next learning curve of life – marriage, of course. There are horror stories, there are nerves and yet an excitement you can barely keep to yourself. Take your time to consider whether you are truly ready commit yourself to a relationship for the lifetime. Devote some time before you take the plunge, for separations can be bitter (and expensive!)
Since you spend so much time planning about the D-day, it might be worth setting aside some time to think about whether you are absolutely ready. There are plenty of things to ponder, we assure you.
So, you just got married. After months of planning and a wonderful wedding and reception you were off to the most exotic honeymoon ever. But then comes the credit card bill next month and suddenly, the first decidedly unsexy thought pops up in the horizon: the dreaded talk about finances and money management. You may wonder why is is such a taboo? Trust us when we say you are not alone.
Money matters create the most fights in marriage, and are established as a reason for divorces and separation (not to mention enough volatile outbreaks in an otherwise stable marriage). Since it is not at all a fun discussion to broach, sample this instead: Noted psychotherapists from University of Ann Arbor, University of Wisconsin (Madison) and John Hopkins Schools have concurred that establishing open dialogue regarding finances can ensure a happy married life.
As the National divorce rate continues to dangerously hover at 48%, it makes you wonder just how far the couples are willing to put their trust and risk their value-ridden lives for a long lasting relationship? . Most of the people today seem to believe that if marriage becomes too much work or is too difficult or if you don’t seem to find the happiness you were looking for, file for a divorce.
So let me ask you something at that point: Isn’t it taking the easy way out?
According to major studies, managing money and keeping track of expenses can be the most divisive issue between couples who are in a relationship or a marriage. Most often, one person is a saver, and the other is a free-flowing spender, leading to volatile differences of opinion on how the hard-earned money might be up for some (mis)management. Polar difference in ideas of spending and marriage can make financial decisions difficult and potentially explosive as a topic to mutually convene upon. Such discussions could easily form the first cracks in a relationship, building up to marital disharmony over spending.
Leading psychologist and marriage counselor Janice Huron says “Communicating the problem and approaches about spending doesn’t come naturally,” adding that “The problem stems from the fact that most parents take upon themselves to resolve financial issues, rarely involving the children or passing on the merits of managing your money well”.
The lack of such values of money management means even the most hard-bred kids could end up being prodigal once they have their own sources of income.
Life and times of today has empowered women, liberating them from centuries of oppression, financial inferiority and relative anonymity in building the social guidelines. More than any time in the history, our times have seen women rise as a force not just as a gender, but as a valid member of our race who have must have equal voice, rights and access to opportunities. This isn’t to ignore several occasions when the glass ceilings still exist. But they’re consistently being broken to positive applause.
Celebrity author on relationships and renowned psychologist Terri Orbuch recently opined in very popular book 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great that:
“It doesn’t take hard work to keep a relationship happy or stable over time,”
Dr. Orbuch isn’t just another person that you can dismiss her opinion. As a doctorate in psychology, she probably understands human behavior, interactions, emotions and its various shortcomings better than most of us. Yet she chose to focus on one of the most overwhelming issues of today with typical candor and pragmatism.
Having conducted her research to follow up her claim with hard facts, she says simple changes, but made consistently, can create a successful marriage. Brick by brick you can build the edifice of a good, long-lasting relationship without having to go through outlandish efforts. Below, she offers a brief overview of the five steps from her book for a happy and healthy marriage, and delivers a real-life lesson replete with practical suggestions which couples should try to imbibe if they care about their marriage.
From comic books to Mills and Boon novels, every girl dreams of an ideal husband who is tall, good looking and has the most amazing qualities of sweeping her off her feet. In real life however, men come all kinds of shapes and sizes (puns intended!) and no insignificant range of emotional intelligence and perceptiveness for making a lasting relationship. So what are the best qualities which a woman should desire in her ideal husband material guy?
We try to put together a few things which every husband-to-be needs to imbibe:
While every guy out there worth anything, dreams of that skinny, hot girl to be his for the rest of his life, that isn’t quite how you determine the best person to spend your life with. A wife isn’t a temporary girlfriend (not that one can’t emerge to be one!). When talking about lifetime, potentially the woman around whom your home and family would be built, there is more than what meets the eye which needs to be accounted for.
The choice isn’t easy. There are several things which you adore, there are other things you admire in the significant others of some of your friends or family that you’d like your woman to have and then there’s the question of principles and beliefs which you need to share.
Oh my, the engaged life! From frothy dance parties in your honor, to lavish dresses and night outs as a legitimate excuse to the life you are about to embark upon. But hey, every love story has that sour moment hidden within. Shouting match over the wedding guest lists, calling each other’s family names and swearing at each other in in the bridal registry.
Planning the event provides a great opportunity to test drive your relationship for the future. At the same time, it is vital to recognize this is one time both of you want to turn up the best image of yourself possible, so there could be differences which are hotly debated and trigger bigger fights.
In the second part of our discussion, we cover the aspects which are more human, and deal with people skills and personnel, rather than material things and associated monetary value.
Planning a wedding can be nerve-wracking for the best of us. You’re engaged and dream of a fairytale wedding. But increasingly, the interactions regarding planning the big event turn it into a nightmare. Several engagements break off at this stage since two people finally come to realize that their relationship is far more expendable compared to their expectations of their partner. But that is often the bad solution.
You need planning to execute a great event, but not at the expense of your relationship. In the following sections we discuss some of the issues which usually crop up while planning that ‘big, fat wedding’: